Dear SDKF families, colleagues, and friends,

Here at SDKF, my colleagues and I are often asked for tools and strategies on how to help our children (or teens) regulate their emotions. Our wonderful occupational therapist, Dr, Heidi Joachims “Dr. Jo”  has written an exceptional article on co-regulation, or the ability for a parent, guardian, teacher or caregiver to help a child/teen self-regulate and self-soothe. The strategies outlined in this article can be very effective when used correctly if your child is affected by sensory input and/or sensory sensitivities. When utilized at home, and/or with the assistance of a specialist, these strategies, along with others, can help caregivers and kids alike to learn how to effectively self-regulate. Dr. Jo can be reached for a complimentary telephone consultation should you have any questions after reading this article (contact info below), or if you have concerns that your child’s sensory profile may play a role in his or her behaviors. Thank you so much Dr. Jo for sharing your knowledge and expertise with our families!

– Dr. Deborah Pontillo, Director, San Diego Kids First/Co-Director, San Diego Behavior Solutions.

What is co-regulation and why is it important?

  • Co-regulation refers to how a parent helps their child calm down, manage stress, or navigate emotions by providing emotional support and modeling self-regulation strategies. Co-regulation is crucial, especially in the early years of life, as it forms the foundation of emotional and self-regulation skills. Babies and children rely on caregivers to help them regulate themselves as their nervous systems are still developing.

What does co-regulation help with? 

  • Emotional Regulation: Co-regulation teaches children how to identify, interpret, and manage their emotions. By observing how their parents calm themselves in moments of big emotions, children begin to learn healthy ways to self-regulate.

  • Development of self-regulation skills: Over time, consistent co-regulation helps children develop the ability to self-regulate when overstimulated.

  • Improving the parent-child relationship: Co-regulation fosters safety and connection between parent and child. When parents are present and responsive to their child’s needs, it strengthens the emotional bond and creates a sense of security.

  • Reducing stress and anxiety: Co-regulation allows the child’s nervous system to be in a state of safety and in turn reduces stress and anxiety.

  • Social and behavioral skills: When parents model calmness, empathy, and problem-solving, children develop these behaviors, which helps with peer interactions, conflict resolution, and understanding social boundaries.

Five ways to co-regulate with your child

1. Offer deep pressure: Deep pressure, such as through firm hugs, compressions, or weighted blankets, provides calming sensory input that helps regulate the nervous system. This type of sensory input can be especially effective in co-regulation, helping children feel grounded and safe in their bodies.

2. Use rhythmic calming techniques: Rhythmic activities, such as rocking, swinging, or gentle bouncing, provide repetitive sensory input that can be very calming. Try swaying in a rocking chair, swinging on a swing, or using rhythmic movements like drumming, tapping, stomping, or marching in place.

3. Create a Sensory-Friendly Environment: Modifying the environment by reducing sensory input can help your child feel safe and regulate themselves. You can facilitate this by dimming the lights, reducing background noise, and providing access to calming sensory tools such as fidget toys, noise-canceling headphones, or a beanbag chair.

 

4. Slow down: Slowing down helps co-regulation by allowing your child’s nervous system to calm and process sensory input more effectively, creating a sense of safety and reducing overwhelm. Ways to slow down include building in extra time for transitions, simplifying morning routines, and prioritizing what matters.

 

5. Use grounding techniques together: Engage in grounding activities like deep breathing or sensory exercises with your child. For example, practicing “5-4-3-2-1” (name 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste) helps both of you return to the present moment, calming the nervous system and building co-regulation skills.

For further inquiries about co-regulation or to work individually with a professional to enhance you or your child’s self-regulation and co-regulation skills, please feel free to schedule an appointment with our occupational therapist, Dr. Jo, by contacting us at contact@sdkidsfirst.com or (858) 692-418.

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